A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.The results:

If Women Drink...
BeerPersonality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrellaPersonality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and sodaPersonality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wantsApproach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

WaterPersonality: Pretentious and islooking for a serious relationship.Approach: Don't.Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Cape VelvetPersonality: Annoying voice bit of a tart.Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CiderHe's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic BeerHe's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager BeerHe likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported BeerHe's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GuinnessThe man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WaterHe just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

WineHe's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or BrandyExtremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

PortThinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WhiskyHe doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack DanielsNot as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or TequilaLikes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etcHe’s gay (blatantly) – don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change