> > >>>>SMART INDIAN
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Son : "I will choose my own bride!!!"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's
> >daughter.."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: "I have a husband for your daughter...."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World
> > >>>>Bank."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a
> > >>>>vice-president."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I
> >
> > >>>>need!"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>That is how indians do business.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>THE BEST JOKE AWARD
> > >>>>
> > >>>>One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night
> > >>>>and? he saw Steven
> > >>>>Spielberg.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and
> > >>>>asks for his
> > >>>>autograph.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people
> > >>>>bombed our
> > >>>>Pearl Harbor, get out of
> >here."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who
> > >>>>bombed your
> > >>>>Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
> > >>>>
> > >>>>"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied
> > >>>>Spielberg.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank
> > >>>>the Titanic, my
> > >>>>forefathers were on that ship."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the
> > >>>>ship, not me."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all
> > >>>>the same."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>LESSON 1
> > >>>>
> > >>>>A
> >junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their
> > >>>>way to a meeting.
> > >>>>On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.They
> > >>>>rub the lamp
> > >>>>and a ghost appears.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you
> > >>>>are three, I
> > >>>>will allow one wish each."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I
> > >>>>want to be in the
> > >>>>Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he
> > >>>>was gone.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want
> > >>>>to be in Florida
> > >>>>with beautiful girls, plenty of food and
> >cocktails." Pfufffff,
> > >>>>and he was also
> > >>>>gone.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office
> > >>>>after lunch
> > >>>>at 12.35pm."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>*MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST*
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>LESSON 2
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
> > >>>>hand.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>"Listen," said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive and important
> > >>>>document, and my
> > >>>>secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>"Certainly," said the young executive.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>He turned the machine on,
> >inserted the paper, and pressed the
> > >>>>start button.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared
> > >>>>inside the
> > >>>>shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS
> > >>>>EVERYTHING*
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>LESSON 3
> > >>>>
> > >>>>An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way
> > >>>>to LA. The
> > >>>>American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are
> > >>>>you?"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand
> > >>>>what you mean."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The American
> >repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
> > >>>>Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are
> > >>>>you !?!" Are
> > >>>>you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
> > >>>>A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what
> > >>>>kind Of 'key'
> > >>>>was he.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of
> > >>>>-kee' am I ?!"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
> > >>>>
> > >>>>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER INSULT
> >ANYONE*
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>LESSON 4
> > >>>>
> > >>>>There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
> > >>>>French, who
> > >>>>found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a
> > >>>>genie appeared.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
> > >>>>said, "Next to
> > >>>>you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
> > >>>>When you run
> > >>>>towards
> > >>>>the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to
> > >>>>become, then
> > >>>>your wish will come true."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
> >
> > >>>>shouted"WINE".
> > >>>>The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
> > >>>>was so happy
> > >>>>swimming
> > >>>>and drinking from the pool.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA"
> > >>>>and immersed
> > >>>>himself into a pool of vodka.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
> > >>>>contented
> > >>>>with his beer pool.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
> > >>>>suddenly he
> > >>>>slipped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
> >
> > >>>>shouted,
> > >>>>"SHIT!!!!!!!........."
> > >>>>
> > >>>>*MORAL OF THE STORY: THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING,
> > >>>>BECAUSE SOMETIMES
> > >>>>ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN*
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>LESSON 5
> > >>>>
> > >>>>The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
> > >>>>who was in
> > >>>>charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Brain: I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Blood: I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the
> > >>>>brain.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Stomach: I should be in charge because I process food to the
> >
> > >>>>brain.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Legs: I should be in charge because I take the brain where it
> > >>>>wants to go.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Eyes: I should be in charge because I let the brain see where
> > >>>>it's going.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Asshole: I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole
> > >>>>very mad.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly
> > >>>>closed and stayed
> > >>>>that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
> > >>>>whatsoever.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
> > >>>>Day
> >2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
> > >>>>Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
> > >>>>Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
> > >>>>Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
> > >>>>Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW
> > >>>>IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE
> > >>>>ASSHOLE THAT IS
> > >>>>IN CHARGE.*