"God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus."
"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again.""
"We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities."